Conscious and Subconscious Conversation

Conscious : hi Subconscious
Subconscious:: hi.
Conscious:: How are you ?
Subconscious:: Not very good.
Conscious:: Why ? what happened ?
Subconscious:: Not very sure. But why do you ask ?
Conscious:: Today morning when we were coming and i had given control to you, you were mumbling some strange words which made no sense. I was concerned.
Subconscious:: Yes. so you did notice that !
Conscious:: But you have never behaved like this before.
Subconscious:: I have been like this for some time now. I think you have not taken notice of this.
Conscious:: oh really !! How long ?
Subconscious:: Probably a year.
Conscious:: oh my god!!! Why didn't you tell me ?
Subconscious:: You never asked !! you are the conscious mind not me.
Conscious:: I am so sorry. I was so busy with my work that I totally forgot about you.
Subconscious:: I know I see you every day at work.
Conscious:: You did ! thanks :)
Subconscious:: you are welcome.
Conscious:: BTW we were talking about you. Why are you not in a good shape ?
Subconscious:: I dont know, some fear and anxiety seems to have crept in me.
Conscious:: Fear and anxiety !!! you must be joking !!!!
Subconscious:: No I am not. You know I dont joke around...
Conscious:: Fear and anxiety... I am surprised.
Subconscious:: I fear the future and become anxious about my job.
Conscious:: about our future and job...
Subconscious:: yes. I fear what will happen in future and am I capable of handling my job.
Conscious:: thats strange. That was supposed to be my duty. Why are you worried ? ha ha ha...
Subconscious:: I dont know. sometimes even I get puzzled as to why am I bothered about this.
Conscious:: thats strange...
Subconscious:: Conscious, you had read somewhere and taught me something sometime back...
Conscious:: what...
Subconscious:: That learning starts from the conscious mind first and the subconscious learns.
Conscious:: Yes I remember.
Subconscious:: you had taught me that constantly reading something or feeling something affects the subconscious.
Conscious:: ok so...
Subconscious:: so anything that the conscious does for a long time gets registered in the subconscious.
Conscious:: ok. But I dont get where you are going...
Subconscious:: Just wanted to find out, are you alright. Do you have any problem ?
Conscious:: No I am fine.
Subconscious:: Now dont lie to me. You cant lie to me.
Conscious:: I am not lying. I am fine.
Subconscious:: There you go again.
Conscious:: No I am not lying.
Subconscious:: I dont know conscious, but you always are in denial mode. You always deny the reality.
Conscious:: I am not denying anything. I am just fine.
Subconscious:: If you are fine then why am I like this ?
Conscious:: Now wait.. why are you pinning you problems onto me.
Subconscious:: Conscious, we both know that your behavior for a prolonged period affects me. If you are rational over a period of time, I am also rational. If you behave Irrationally I mould myself the same way. You saw me mumbling junk words because I am in disarray. If I am in disarray then probably you have been in disarray for quire some time.
Conscious:: do you really think so ?
Subconscious:: Yes I do.
Conscious:: You are probably right. I seem to be...
Subconscious:: Seem to be ?
Conscious:: Ok Fine. I am in disarray... sob sob..
Subconscious:: Dont be sad buddy. Every body had a bad patch.
Conscious:: sob sob... I know. I have seen people in bad patches but why me...
Subconscious:: do you like to share your problems.
Conscious:: No I dont think so...
Subconscious:: Conscious, I know by nature you dont like to share your sorrows. Your ego does not allow you to. But we travel in the same boat. Your actions affect both of us. Why dont you try ?
Conscious:: ok. But I dont know where to start.
Subconscious:: Tell me about your current feeling...
Conscious:: Even I feel the same as you. Even I feel anxious and worry about my job and future.
Subconscious:: ok. What are your worries...
Conscious:: I sometimes feel I am not a very capable person.
Subconscious:: Why do you feel that way ?
Conscious:: When I sit at my dest and look at the code flowing down on my computer screen, I wonder what great job has been done by the guy who penned this code.
Subconscious:: ok.
Conscious:: Then I ask myself, If I were to be asked to do the same thing, will I be able to repeat it...
Subconscious:: and what do you feel.
Conscious:: A thumping NO !!!
Subconscious:: oh... and
Conscious:: And then I feel probably I am not a very capable person.
Subconscious:: Has the code been written by one person..
Conscious:: Not exactly one person but probably by couple... or more maybe...
Subconscious:: Do you know them personally...
Conscious:: Yes.
Subconscious:: How are they technically ?
Conscious:: Technically they seem to be good, they seem to know many things.
Subconscious:: ok...
Conscious:: and they look very confident about themselves.
Subconscious:: Have you worked with them.
Conscious:: Yes sometimes.
Subconscious:: What have you observed about them.
Conscious:: They are methodical, listen to people, analyze issues, sometimes arrogant, but helpful also.
Subconscious:: what else have you observed.
Conscious:: I see that they are very committed people. They show geniune interest in solving problems.
Subconscious:: ok...
Conscious:: They also have that zeal to learn things that they dont know about and are always open to challenges.
Subconscious:: ok. Now tell me what is the difference between Us and them ?
Conscious:: Probably we lack that zeal and are not really open to challenges
Subconscious:: Why do you feel that way ?
Conscious:: Probably because of lack of knowledge and inherent fear of failure.
Subconscious:: But even they would have faced failure in their life at some point.
Conscious:: Yes but...
Subconscious:: but you have not seen the failure. You have only seen their success and think they are better than you.
Conscious:: you may be true. But whenever I have interacted with them, they always sound right.
Subconscious:: But have you seen them during their initial struggling period ?
Conscious:: No.
Subconscious:: Everyone goes through tough times. When you are happy the whole world is with you. But When you are sad you suffer alone.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: Everybody has had a share of bad days. Even they would have gone through many trial and errors only then they would have come out with such a good design.
Conscious:: But when I put myself in their shoes I look like a clown.
Subconscious:: Thats because you have an inherent fear that you are not good and you would fail if you are given such a task.
Conscious:: Dont you think so...
Subconscious:: No I dont.
Conscious:: Do you think I can come up with such a nice desing.
Subconscious:: No.
Conscious:: See I told you...
Subconscious:: Well I didnt write you down. What I meant is that, probably you might not be able to do it today. But with some help you might reach there.
Conscious:: you have an idea...
Subconscious:: I think i fairly know the steps: Try to learn your design and code better. This will give you a hold on your daily job. Then try to see why this design works this way and clicks. Then read book on writing good and effective designs.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: Then try to implement small things on your own. This will boost your confidence.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: once you have the hands on experience, you will be more confident and ready to face challenges.
Conscious:: You want me to leave my job ?
Subconscious:: No I dont. Why do you ask ?
Conscious:: Where do I have time for all this ?
Subconscious:: You dont have to do it in 1 day. Chalk out some time for this every day.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: read things in parts. and dont forget to re-read them. After all you can pass on your knowledge to me only after you read it many time. So note down important points and read them again and again. so that I get to know things.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: Remember one thing, nobody learnt things in one day and nobody learnt without making mistakes.
Conscious:: but those guys seem so perfect.
Subconscious:: They might be. Dont compare yourself to them. Try to learn from them and enrich yourself. You dont have to become like them in a day. It might take time, but you will reach there.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: And I see that you also fear them. Dont fear them. Learn from them.
Conscious:: Do you think I am a capable person ?
Subconscious:: You bet. I know you since you were baby. I have seen you in college. You are a bright guy. You have always faired well. But probably down the line you got drifted and find yourself at crossroads and you are panicing.
Conscious:: ok..
Subconscious:: Dont others sway you. Try to find out what is good for you and take decisions. After all your decisions affect both of us.
Conscious:: Subconsious, I dont have words to thank you for listening so patently and giving me suggessions. What started as a problem with you, infact turned out to be a problem with me. My anxieties and fears have percolated to you and it is getting reflected back onto me as well. Looks like a cascading effect. I think I owe an appology to you for my behavior.
Subconscious:: No problem. We are 2 faces of the same coin.
Conscious:: you are right. Thank you so much for the talk. I will look at things in an differnt way from now on. You have been a true eye opener for me.
Subconscious:: You are welcome. We can always have a chat to solve each other's problems. After all in difficult times we are the only once who can come to each other's help.
Conscious:: bye subconscious. Will talk to you again sometime.
Subconscious:: Sure. Bye