Sheena Iyengar: Power of Choice

Happiness comes from getting what you want but wanting what you get.
Desire to have your own individuality also defines your act of choice.
We want to be unique but still want to be understood. We want our UNIQUE choice to be appreciated.
Are our eyes too big for our mind ?
categorize and selection

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67mH7Fbgw6U

Balancing our hopes, desires and an appreciation for the possibilities with the clear eyed assessment of the limitations... that is the art of choosing.

Golden Words

1. Take a 10-30 Minutes Walk Every Day And While You Walk, Smile.

2. Sit in Silence for At Least 10 Minutes Each Day.

3. Sleep for 7 Hours.

4. Live With The 3 Es -- Energy, Enthusiasm, And Empathy.

5. Play More Games.

6. Read More Books Than You Did last year.

7. Make Time to Practice Meditation, Yoga, and Prayer. They Provide Us with Daily Fuel For Our Busy Lives.

8. Spend Time With People Over The Age Of 70 & Under The Age Of 6.

9. Dream More While You Are Awake.

10. Eat More Foods That Grow On Trees And Plants And Eat Less Food That Is Manufactured in Plants.

11. Drink Plenty Of Water.

12. Try To Make At Least Three People Smile Each Day.

13. Don't Waste Your Precious Energy On Gossip.

14. Forget Issues Of The Past. Don't Remind Your Partner With His / Her Mistakes Of The Past. That Will Ruin Your Present Happiness.

15. Don't Have Negative Thoughts Or Things You Cannot Control. Instead Invest Your Energy in The Positive Present Moment.

16. Realize That Life Is A School And You Are Here To Learn. Problems Are Simply Part Of The Curriculum That Appear And Fade Away Like Algebra Class But The Lessons You Learn Will Last A Lifetime.

17. Eat Breakfast Like A King, Lunch Like A Prince And Dinner Like A Beggar.

18. Smile And Laugh More.

19. Life Is Too Short To Waste Time Hating Anyone. Don't Hate Others.

20. Don't Take Yourself So Seriously. No One Else Does.

21. You Don't Have To Win Every Argument. Agree To Disagree.

22. Make Peace With Your Past So It Won't Spoil The Present.

23. Don't Compare Your Life To Others'. You Have No Idea What Their Journey Is All About. Don't Compare Your Partner With Others.

24. No One Is In Charge Of Your Happiness Except You.

25. Forgive Everyone For Everything.

26. What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business.

27. GOD ! Heals Everything.

28. However Good Or Bad A Situation Is, It Will Change.

29. Your Job Won't Take Care Of You When You Are Sick. Your Friends Will. Stay In Touch.

30. Get Rid Of Anything That Isn't Useful, Beautiful Or Joyful.

31. Envy Is A Waste Of Time. You Already Have All You Need.

32. The Best Is Yet To Come.

33. No Matter How You Feel, Get Up, Dress Up And Show Up.

34. Do The Right Thing!

35. Call Your Family Often.

36. Your Inner Most Is Always Happy. So Be Happy.

37. Each Day Give Something Good To Others.

38. Don't Over Do. Keep Your Limits.

39. When You Awake Alive In The Morning, Thank GOD For ItSmile

TED : Most Expensive Items

We always wonder what it is to own or use the most expensive items that humanity has ever produced.

Benjamin Wallace a journalist and a writer does just that and entices us with a video about the most expensive items...
He likes some of them and finds the others worth less...

Benjamin reviews the Kapi Luwak (costliest coffee), Bugati Car, Most expensive bed (supposedly owned by Tom Cruise), Most expensive Jeans, most expensive beef (Kobe beef), most expensive Golf club, Most expensive Soap, Most expensive wine, 1947 cheval blanc (supposedly the best wine).

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/benjamin_wallace_on_the_price_of_happiness.html

The video concludes on an interesting note.

Conscious and Subconscious Conversation

Conscious : hi Subconscious
Subconscious:: hi.
Conscious:: How are you ?
Subconscious:: Not very good.
Conscious:: Why ? what happened ?
Subconscious:: Not very sure. But why do you ask ?
Conscious:: Today morning when we were coming and i had given control to you, you were mumbling some strange words which made no sense. I was concerned.
Subconscious:: Yes. so you did notice that !
Conscious:: But you have never behaved like this before.
Subconscious:: I have been like this for some time now. I think you have not taken notice of this.
Conscious:: oh really !! How long ?
Subconscious:: Probably a year.
Conscious:: oh my god!!! Why didn't you tell me ?
Subconscious:: You never asked !! you are the conscious mind not me.
Conscious:: I am so sorry. I was so busy with my work that I totally forgot about you.
Subconscious:: I know I see you every day at work.
Conscious:: You did ! thanks :)
Subconscious:: you are welcome.
Conscious:: BTW we were talking about you. Why are you not in a good shape ?
Subconscious:: I dont know, some fear and anxiety seems to have crept in me.
Conscious:: Fear and anxiety !!! you must be joking !!!!
Subconscious:: No I am not. You know I dont joke around...
Conscious:: Fear and anxiety... I am surprised.
Subconscious:: I fear the future and become anxious about my job.
Conscious:: about our future and job...
Subconscious:: yes. I fear what will happen in future and am I capable of handling my job.
Conscious:: thats strange. That was supposed to be my duty. Why are you worried ? ha ha ha...
Subconscious:: I dont know. sometimes even I get puzzled as to why am I bothered about this.
Conscious:: thats strange...
Subconscious:: Conscious, you had read somewhere and taught me something sometime back...
Conscious:: what...
Subconscious:: That learning starts from the conscious mind first and the subconscious learns.
Conscious:: Yes I remember.
Subconscious:: you had taught me that constantly reading something or feeling something affects the subconscious.
Conscious:: ok so...
Subconscious:: so anything that the conscious does for a long time gets registered in the subconscious.
Conscious:: ok. But I dont get where you are going...
Subconscious:: Just wanted to find out, are you alright. Do you have any problem ?
Conscious:: No I am fine.
Subconscious:: Now dont lie to me. You cant lie to me.
Conscious:: I am not lying. I am fine.
Subconscious:: There you go again.
Conscious:: No I am not lying.
Subconscious:: I dont know conscious, but you always are in denial mode. You always deny the reality.
Conscious:: I am not denying anything. I am just fine.
Subconscious:: If you are fine then why am I like this ?
Conscious:: Now wait.. why are you pinning you problems onto me.
Subconscious:: Conscious, we both know that your behavior for a prolonged period affects me. If you are rational over a period of time, I am also rational. If you behave Irrationally I mould myself the same way. You saw me mumbling junk words because I am in disarray. If I am in disarray then probably you have been in disarray for quire some time.
Conscious:: do you really think so ?
Subconscious:: Yes I do.
Conscious:: You are probably right. I seem to be...
Subconscious:: Seem to be ?
Conscious:: Ok Fine. I am in disarray... sob sob..
Subconscious:: Dont be sad buddy. Every body had a bad patch.
Conscious:: sob sob... I know. I have seen people in bad patches but why me...
Subconscious:: do you like to share your problems.
Conscious:: No I dont think so...
Subconscious:: Conscious, I know by nature you dont like to share your sorrows. Your ego does not allow you to. But we travel in the same boat. Your actions affect both of us. Why dont you try ?
Conscious:: ok. But I dont know where to start.
Subconscious:: Tell me about your current feeling...
Conscious:: Even I feel the same as you. Even I feel anxious and worry about my job and future.
Subconscious:: ok. What are your worries...
Conscious:: I sometimes feel I am not a very capable person.
Subconscious:: Why do you feel that way ?
Conscious:: When I sit at my dest and look at the code flowing down on my computer screen, I wonder what great job has been done by the guy who penned this code.
Subconscious:: ok.
Conscious:: Then I ask myself, If I were to be asked to do the same thing, will I be able to repeat it...
Subconscious:: and what do you feel.
Conscious:: A thumping NO !!!
Subconscious:: oh... and
Conscious:: And then I feel probably I am not a very capable person.
Subconscious:: Has the code been written by one person..
Conscious:: Not exactly one person but probably by couple... or more maybe...
Subconscious:: Do you know them personally...
Conscious:: Yes.
Subconscious:: How are they technically ?
Conscious:: Technically they seem to be good, they seem to know many things.
Subconscious:: ok...
Conscious:: and they look very confident about themselves.
Subconscious:: Have you worked with them.
Conscious:: Yes sometimes.
Subconscious:: What have you observed about them.
Conscious:: They are methodical, listen to people, analyze issues, sometimes arrogant, but helpful also.
Subconscious:: what else have you observed.
Conscious:: I see that they are very committed people. They show geniune interest in solving problems.
Subconscious:: ok...
Conscious:: They also have that zeal to learn things that they dont know about and are always open to challenges.
Subconscious:: ok. Now tell me what is the difference between Us and them ?
Conscious:: Probably we lack that zeal and are not really open to challenges
Subconscious:: Why do you feel that way ?
Conscious:: Probably because of lack of knowledge and inherent fear of failure.
Subconscious:: But even they would have faced failure in their life at some point.
Conscious:: Yes but...
Subconscious:: but you have not seen the failure. You have only seen their success and think they are better than you.
Conscious:: you may be true. But whenever I have interacted with them, they always sound right.
Subconscious:: But have you seen them during their initial struggling period ?
Conscious:: No.
Subconscious:: Everyone goes through tough times. When you are happy the whole world is with you. But When you are sad you suffer alone.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: Everybody has had a share of bad days. Even they would have gone through many trial and errors only then they would have come out with such a good design.
Conscious:: But when I put myself in their shoes I look like a clown.
Subconscious:: Thats because you have an inherent fear that you are not good and you would fail if you are given such a task.
Conscious:: Dont you think so...
Subconscious:: No I dont.
Conscious:: Do you think I can come up with such a nice desing.
Subconscious:: No.
Conscious:: See I told you...
Subconscious:: Well I didnt write you down. What I meant is that, probably you might not be able to do it today. But with some help you might reach there.
Conscious:: you have an idea...
Subconscious:: I think i fairly know the steps: Try to learn your design and code better. This will give you a hold on your daily job. Then try to see why this design works this way and clicks. Then read book on writing good and effective designs.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: Then try to implement small things on your own. This will boost your confidence.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: once you have the hands on experience, you will be more confident and ready to face challenges.
Conscious:: You want me to leave my job ?
Subconscious:: No I dont. Why do you ask ?
Conscious:: Where do I have time for all this ?
Subconscious:: You dont have to do it in 1 day. Chalk out some time for this every day.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: read things in parts. and dont forget to re-read them. After all you can pass on your knowledge to me only after you read it many time. So note down important points and read them again and again. so that I get to know things.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: Remember one thing, nobody learnt things in one day and nobody learnt without making mistakes.
Conscious:: but those guys seem so perfect.
Subconscious:: They might be. Dont compare yourself to them. Try to learn from them and enrich yourself. You dont have to become like them in a day. It might take time, but you will reach there.
Conscious:: ok...
Subconscious:: And I see that you also fear them. Dont fear them. Learn from them.
Conscious:: Do you think I am a capable person ?
Subconscious:: You bet. I know you since you were baby. I have seen you in college. You are a bright guy. You have always faired well. But probably down the line you got drifted and find yourself at crossroads and you are panicing.
Conscious:: ok..
Subconscious:: Dont others sway you. Try to find out what is good for you and take decisions. After all your decisions affect both of us.
Conscious:: Subconsious, I dont have words to thank you for listening so patently and giving me suggessions. What started as a problem with you, infact turned out to be a problem with me. My anxieties and fears have percolated to you and it is getting reflected back onto me as well. Looks like a cascading effect. I think I owe an appology to you for my behavior.
Subconscious:: No problem. We are 2 faces of the same coin.
Conscious:: you are right. Thank you so much for the talk. I will look at things in an differnt way from now on. You have been a true eye opener for me.
Subconscious:: You are welcome. We can always have a chat to solve each other's problems. After all in difficult times we are the only once who can come to each other's help.
Conscious:: bye subconscious. Will talk to you again sometime.
Subconscious:: Sure. Bye

Marc the millionarire on Park Aveanue

I was reading the book "Fooled By Randomness" by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. In one of the sections called "Too Many Millionaires Next Door" he tells the story of Marc a Lawyer in NewYork city. I have rephrased the section below:

Mark is a lawyer in Newyork city and stays in Manhattan along with his wife. He is an intelligent lawyer who studied in harvard college and did his law from the Yale Law school. In his late 40s and earning about $500,000 he was a well settled man. His office life was hectic. He would work till 9:30 on many days and sometimes you would find him in the office even at midnight. Because of the fatigue his weekends would be lost in recuparating from the excessive work loads. He had become a partner within 7 years of his initial working years. All this hardwork left his wife frustrated and she left him.

He started dating janet, his paralegal. Later on he married her and bought an appartment on Park Avenue. Janet used to meet people from the neighbourhood manhattan houses probably once a month during the parents meet. Because of her homely girl appearance she would get snubbed by some people. She would even get jealous looking at the huge diamond ring some other lady would be wearing. Then she would wonder why her husband, even though was a yale graduate, was not earning enough to buy her all these itesms. Isn't he smart ? Why was Ronald Something whose wife would not even look at janet, worth so many millions where as her husband who was a yale graduate did not have enough savings ?

Now Janet has a feeling that her husband is a failure. But her comarision is wrong and the conclusion drawn (i.e. her husband is a failure) is totally baseless. Because she is using a wrong distribution to derive a rank.

Now compared to the General US population, Mark has done very well, better than 99.5% of his compatriots. Compared to his other harward friends he did better than 90% of them. Compared to his batchmates from Yale Law school his did better than 60% of them. BUT compared to his neighbours he is at the bottom...
why ? Because he chose to live on Park Aveanue where every neighbour is successful. But Janet did not consider the failure cases. If a guy was a failure he would not be living on the Park aveanue in the first place. So Janets sample space consisted only of successful people as living on park aveanue will not give you failures for comparision and hence she felt Marc is a failure. This lead to considerable emotional distress. Here she has married an extremely successful man but all she can see is failure in comparision with her neighbours.

Janets vision is myopic. and the sample space of comparision is wrong. This sample space is a small collection of extremely successful people in the city and comparing among them to find out your standing and being sad that marc is a failure would be doing injustice to Marc.

Moral:
When you compare youeself with others and feel you are a failure because you seem to be at the bottom of the sample space of your comparision. Just cross check your sample space. You might have actually chosen a worng set of guys/ladies to compare yourself with.

In janets case it would be better if she moves from the park aveanue and move into a different neighbourhood.